THE REAL REASON WHY SARAH PALIN WILL NOT RUN FOR PRESIDENT

Heart breaking news was revealed when the Divine Miss P announced she will not be a presidential contender. I knew she could not win but I looked forward to her blunders. It's like finding out someone ate the ears off your Easter Bunny. I want the ears. I know she is ignorant, a bitch, a prima donna, and according to her biography, a bit of a skank. What's not to like? She's perfect.

According to some, the reason she is afraid the world, as well as her husband will find out that the father of her oldest son, (Trip or Fall or something like that) is not black NFL star, Glen Rice, but really the son of Charles Barkley. There is an ominous similarity in appearance. My friend Sean pointed it out. We believe Trap, Trigger, Troll (or whatever his name is)is the son of Todd. Just fun to pretend.

Actually Sarah is not running for president because she has some inside information from her spiritual adviser, Guru Gotaway, the guy she snorted cocaine with over an oil barrel. It seems that this time the world will end October 21, 2011. I mean, what is the point in campaigning? Duh!

Besides, if the world did not end and she became the new president, she is frightened of her own position on gun control. She found out she will not be the only one who has firearms readily available. Some stupid Constitution thing that those lame men from 1776 made up. Who knew? That stupid Constitution keeps getting in the way. If elected, she planned to sneak it out and burn it. If elected, she also planned on quitting the job as president and forcing NBC to hire her in Katie Couric's position in order to get the last laugh on Katie. NBC was flaunting the Constitution saying they had freedom of press. See why the Constitution has to go! That damned press keeps printing the truth about her.


The world got sadder with the loss of Palin as a contender. On a brighter note, Alaska gets her back. We got rid of her. The world is not as bad as we thought. We just might actually make through October 21, 2011. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. I think I see a moose.

The above is all a joke we believe. Sean, Buns, Barbs

The Water Party- We are Transparent, Shallow and All Wet.

Vote for me and I will set you afloat.

A new party is coming on the scene, a liberal lunatic fringe group. We are now in the process of picking candidates to represent the new party. A caucus will be held in early January to determine the most transparent, most shallow and wettest among us. The Water Party makes no pretensions as to allegiance. We promise everything and no results are guaranteed.

The following are the basic platforms of the Water Party.
1. A pony for all children under 12. There must always be a pony.
2. Allowance for that pony food.
3. All we need is love and beer, some ice cream and a hug. All will be provided every Friday night at government expense.
4. Days will have 32 hours. Longer nights for sleep and longer days. That is a 33.33% increase. An average day will have 22 hours of light and 10 hours of darkness,
5. Throw away all the calendars. We start at Year 0 and do it right this time
6. Required parties for every single holiday including everyone’s birthday.
7. All birthdays become national holidays.
8. Top 10% income earners pay for these parties.
9. 1% of the population will travel to a foreign country as ambassadors at government expense for one year.
10. Oh and yes social security, healthcare for all, rebuild infrastructure no more wars, racial and religious equality are a given. Anything requiring cash will be financed by the top 25% income earners tax increase to 33%
11. Lightning bugs will become the new national symbol and placed on an endangered species lists. Lightning bugs are the weirdest coolest bugs ever.
12. Illegal to kill butterflies in all states. Illegal to think about killing a lighning bug.
13. Cheating the American public and price gouging are punishable by all involved with prison terms and no early parole. A trial by jury of people involved is acceptable.
13. All animals have the right to bear arms.
14. All animals now have the right to vote.
15. All humans have the right to vote for their animals.
16. Since elections have international consequences, we will now be allowed to vote in every election for every country that has been admitted to the UN. Early registration for Belarus and Theresabus begins tomorrow

To give us an element of credibility (which is a slim chance), we try to remember our mentor Bruce Lee, "Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

Is Sarah Palin Really Anything More Than Kinda Sexy and Really Lucky?

From Wikipedia:

In response to people such as Republican strategist Karl Rove who have suggested that starring in the reality show Sarah Palin's Alaska may be incompatible with running for president in 2012, Palin pointed out that Ronald Reagan was an actor prior to becoming president. This led former Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan to write, "Excuse me, but this was ignorant even for Mrs. Palin. Reagan people quietly flipped their lids, but I'll voice their consternation to make a larger point." According to Noonan, who described Palin as a "nincompoop," "Here is an old tradition badly in need of return: You have to earn your way into politics." In a similar vein, former Reagan White House political director Ed Rollins invoked the line Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy in expressing his view that Palin is "no Reagan."

Appearance

A great deal of attention was paid to Palin's physical appearance during the 2008 elections. According to Vogue Magazine, "Besides being telegenic, [Palin] had a tough-girl Alaskan résumé that most politicians could only dream of—the protein her family eats comes from fish she has pulled out of the ocean with her own hands and caribou she has shot." Others were quick to point out striking resemblances of Palin to actress Tina Fey, who would impersonate her on Saturday Night Live, and Peggy Hill, a character on Fox Network's animated series King of the Hill. Regarding her appearance, Palin has said, "I've been taken aback by the nasty criticism about my appearance. I wish they'd stick with the issues instead of discussing my black go-go boots. A reporter once asked me about it during the campaign, and I assured him I was trying to be as frumpy as I could by wearing my hair on top of my head and these schoolmarm glasses."


Truth in Humor?

"Sarah Palin was asked a question by a third grader and she got it wrong. She apparently still does not know what the vice president does ... She says he or she runs the Senate. No, not in this country. You know I would never accuse George Bush of being a bright man, but when he was elected, at least he knew which building to show up to." --Bill Maher

"Are you excited about Sarah Palin? Well, yesterday she referred to Afghanistan as our neighboring country. Apparently, she can see bin Laden's cave from her house." --David Letterman


Sarah Palin In Her Own Words:

In July 2010, amidst the Cordoba House controversy, Palin wrote on her Twitter asking Muslims to "pls refudiate" support for the mosque. She was then mocked by bloggers and media outlets for using "refudiate", which is not a word. Palin later responded on Twitter, saying that "English is a living language." and "Shakespeare liked to coin new words too."

"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" --Sarah Palin, in an interview with CNBC's "Kudlow & Co."

"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience

"I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't.'" --Sarah Palin, as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor's office without approval of the city council.

Whatever you may think about Ms. Palin she is undeniably a phenomenon....but a future President? Who's kidding who?