Top Ten Reasons the World Should End on 12-21-2012

So much has happened in the last few months that it seems a general population loss might be beneficial for the planet. Humans, it seems, are not smart enough to share a planet the size of the world. We can feed the planet, but we don't. We should take care of out weakest fellow earthlings, but we won't. Tolerance is an absolute "can't". Living has become a privilege of the elite. Maybe the planet should just fold.

We have killed the Gulf of Mexico, Japan is radioactive, and revolution has become a way of life. A major earthquake hits way too often. Who can keep count? I am tired of all the disaster, revolution, war, and misery. It's flood and drought. Birds and sea-life are dying at an alarming rate. But on a brighter note, if the world ends there are ten top silver linings to this dark cloud.

10. Death cures everything. Including everyone's taxes and the tax argument. You wont have to pay any more taxes for year ending Dec 31, 2012. We finally get to beat the IRS. We also don't have to worry about returning overdue books and video rentals. It will all be taken care of.

9. It won't matter that your retirement account has been drained or that your house is not paid off. You will not need either for long. Don't worry about the new roof, the aging air conditioner or remodeling.

8. Winter of 2012 will be canceled. This is a big win. We will not be forced to endure one last, long, harsh winter. If we all have to die, I am glad it isn't summer.

7. Gluttony is good. No more calorie counting, weight watching, and exercising to maintain health. Fit and firm won't matter as the world explodes with it's last burst of energy. In fact , feel free to put on thirty pounds. Angels are lighter than air.

6. No worries about sending your children to colleges. The colleges will all melt. Besides, it isn't like the kids would be prepared for professions and employment later. Why isn't there a college course called standing in line 101 if we want them prepared for the future? Foraging for Food 500 would make an excellent graduate course for those 90% who did not find jobs.

5. Go ahead. Max out those credit cards. Indulge yourself. Die wearing a half million in diamonds. I don't think debt collectors will find us in the afterlife. We won't even have to pay back China.


4. Get a fast sports car on credit. Ferraris are especially nice, final choices. Also, you can run from disaster faster than the other guys. Survival of the fastest might decide who wins and who loses. Stack the odds in your favor with no worries about paying for it. The banks melt on 12-21-2012

3. Open all your Christmas presents early and enjoy them. Last minute shoppers will not have to worry about doing a darn thing. The shops will all be "closed".

2. Check for Hanukkah and try to work all the days in before 12-21-2012.

1. Charlie Sheen is the new messiah. Follow his advice. He will survive. His body is conditioned.

I used to think 12-21-2012 was a joke. No one would go anywhere and it would be a rather uneventful day. I am beginning to think the Doomsday folks are not as crazy as I thought. We now have hope of being free of all worries, finances, taxes, wars, revolutions and all but one big natural disaster. So cheer up and never let on to the authorities that we are beginning to look forward to 12-21-2012. They might cancel it.

The Water Party- We are Transparent, Shallow and All Wet.

Vote for me and I will set you afloat.

A new party is coming on the scene, a liberal lunatic fringe group. We are now in the process of picking candidates to represent the new party. A caucus will be held in early January to determine the most transparent, most shallow and wettest among us. The Water Party makes no pretensions as to allegiance. We promise everything and no results are guaranteed.

The following are the basic platforms of the Water Party.
1. A pony for all children under 12. There must always be a pony.
2. Allowance for that pony food.
3. All we need is love and beer, some ice cream and a hug. All will be provided every Friday night at government expense.
4. Days will have 32 hours. Longer nights for sleep and longer days. That is a 33.33% increase. An average day will have 22 hours of light and 10 hours of darkness,
5. Throw away all the calendars. We start at Year 0 and do it right this time
6. Required parties for every single holiday including everyone’s birthday.
7. All birthdays become national holidays.
8. Top 10% income earners pay for these parties.
9. 1% of the population will travel to a foreign country as ambassadors at government expense for one year.
10. Oh and yes social security, healthcare for all, rebuild infrastructure no more wars, racial and religious equality are a given. Anything requiring cash will be financed by the top 25% income earners tax increase to 33%
11. Lightning bugs will become the new national symbol and placed on an endangered species lists. Lightning bugs are the weirdest coolest bugs ever.
12. Illegal to kill butterflies in all states. Illegal to think about killing a lighning bug.
13. Cheating the American public and price gouging are punishable by all involved with prison terms and no early parole. A trial by jury of people involved is acceptable.
13. All animals have the right to bear arms.
14. All animals now have the right to vote.
15. All humans have the right to vote for their animals.
16. Since elections have international consequences, we will now be allowed to vote in every election for every country that has been admitted to the UN. Early registration for Belarus and Theresabus begins tomorrow

To give us an element of credibility (which is a slim chance), we try to remember our mentor Bruce Lee, "Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

Birthers on Obama- - Hawaii is a foreign country and Jesus could not be president

How many have listened to all the news stories about whether or not Obama should be president due to his being born in the foreign land of Hawaii? It's generally accepted as true among the intellectuals in this country that Hawaii is not a foreign country. Some even remember when it was not a state, but it became the fiftieth state the same year as Alaska before Obama was born.

I take this as a great insult to the state of Hawaii. Aloha to my friends in Hawaii. I know you are one of us, but I am having trouble explaining to the birthers. To even believe Obama was born in Kenya is to believe that Hawaiians are in on a conspiracy to sneak someone in as president or are too stupid to record a birth. I think if either premise is true, all the people of Hawaii are really from Kenya or cannot fill out documents. These birthers believe that you people of Hawaii are either not citizens or are incapable of documenting whether their newborns are even born in their state.

Martin van Buren our eighth president was the first president to be born on official US soil, the first president to be born on undeniable "American soil" because he was born after the revolution when it became legally our country. We allowed seven presidents who were technically born on British soil to be president. If we had done otherwise, we would have to elect a baby as president that was born after July 4, 1776. Some of these disloyal British colonists staged a revolution and overthrew the government. They were called patriots, people who loved their country. But their country was Great Britain. The first seven and ninth presidents were born on what was considered British soil at the time. Alexander Hamilton who once ran for president, and whose picture appears on our currency was not born on American soil. He was born in the British West Indies at Saint Croix. Should we allow these foreigners on our currency? I really don't care.

I see a more serious problem here. It is blatant prejudice and discrimination against people born in other countries. Alexander Hamilton was born in the West Indies but he was nonetheless devoted to our country. Are people less of a patriot of the great United States due to the ground where they were born? Where an individual was born is an accident of birth. We have no control over our birthplace. Not yet born children cannot pick their place of birth nor parents for that matter. To hold birthplace against someone is ludicrous. Should we allow people born elsewhere to even become citizens if they are lesser beings? Obviously, we can deduce that anyone born on anything less than American soil is inferior. Jesus was born in a manger in Bethlehem, folks, did that make him a lesser being? He would not be allowed to be a president of our country but Timothy McVeigh could if we had not killed him for blowing up a courthouse in Oklahoma.? To imply that anyone not born in this land is and cannot be president is to assume that Americans are superior to the rest of the world. I personally would like to believe it since I am one, but we are not. One of the bases of our country is that all people are created equal. Do we really believe it? I hope so.


As for the pictures of all those old guys, not born on technically American soil at the time, I propose we replace these boring old dudes on our currency with some cute foreign guys like Craig Ferguson who has become a citizen. Sean Connery has a commanding presence and I wouldn't mind having him on the green paper in my purse. The new James Bond guy would sure make money more interesting. I would try to hang onto it longer. Talk about saving money, we could frame it.

I sincerely believe Hawaiians are Americans and are as capable as any state of documenting children born in their state of our country. I think the birthers are morons who cannot read a valid government document. Of course Obama is an American citizen and Hawaiian. Does anyone really believe there is a conspiracy to deceive the American people of his birthplace? If it were, does anyone really care? Besides we wanted change. I truly believe he was born in Hawaii and is a citizen. But birthplace is not the single factor that would qualify one to be president. Majority and electoral votes do. Generally, the majority of people and electoral votes believe he is qualified and is a citizen. We, the majority wish you guys would quit wasting money that might provide health care, disability benefits, food, or infrastructure for the economy. This is squandering time, money and energy. Stop it! Let the media report news and quit this weird speculation.

If Sara Palin were to run for president, would anyone question her citizenship? I would. I would like to see actual documentation that Alaska is a state. I have never seen that. Have any of you?Maybe the whole state sneaked in when no one was looking. IQ and a true devotion to the people of our great land should be requirements. You should be smarter than your average moose. We saw what happened when we elected someone who wasn't. The point is, let it rest. He is not going away and we won't stand for it. Quit your whining and concentrate on the real problems, two wars, health care, unemployment, homeless people, and leave the idiot questions out of the discussion.

Talk Soup

Topics include: Sarah Palin, Walter Cronkite, a Crazy renter, Healthcare reform, Professor Gates, traffic tickets, Autobahn pile up, Obama gaffe and apology, Rush Limbaugh, "Race card," and freon thief.

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