THE REAL REASON WHY SARAH PALIN WILL NOT RUN FOR PRESIDENT

Heart breaking news was revealed when the Divine Miss P announced she will not be a presidential contender. I knew she could not win but I looked forward to her blunders. It's like finding out someone ate the ears off your Easter Bunny. I want the ears. I know she is ignorant, a bitch, a prima donna, and according to her biography, a bit of a skank. What's not to like? She's perfect.

According to some, the reason she is afraid the world, as well as her husband will find out that the father of her oldest son, (Trip or Fall or something like that) is not black NFL star, Glen Rice, but really the son of Charles Barkley. There is an ominous similarity in appearance. My friend Sean pointed it out. We believe Trap, Trigger, Troll (or whatever his name is)is the son of Todd. Just fun to pretend.

Actually Sarah is not running for president because she has some inside information from her spiritual adviser, Guru Gotaway, the guy she snorted cocaine with over an oil barrel. It seems that this time the world will end October 21, 2011. I mean, what is the point in campaigning? Duh!

Besides, if the world did not end and she became the new president, she is frightened of her own position on gun control. She found out she will not be the only one who has firearms readily available. Some stupid Constitution thing that those lame men from 1776 made up. Who knew? That stupid Constitution keeps getting in the way. If elected, she planned to sneak it out and burn it. If elected, she also planned on quitting the job as president and forcing NBC to hire her in Katie Couric's position in order to get the last laugh on Katie. NBC was flaunting the Constitution saying they had freedom of press. See why the Constitution has to go! That damned press keeps printing the truth about her.


The world got sadder with the loss of Palin as a contender. On a brighter note, Alaska gets her back. We got rid of her. The world is not as bad as we thought. We just might actually make through October 21, 2011. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. I think I see a moose.

The above is all a joke we believe. Sean, Buns, Barbs

The Water Party- We are Transparent, Shallow and All Wet.

Vote for me and I will set you afloat.

A new party is coming on the scene, a liberal lunatic fringe group. We are now in the process of picking candidates to represent the new party. A caucus will be held in early January to determine the most transparent, most shallow and wettest among us. The Water Party makes no pretensions as to allegiance. We promise everything and no results are guaranteed.

The following are the basic platforms of the Water Party.
1. A pony for all children under 12. There must always be a pony.
2. Allowance for that pony food.
3. All we need is love and beer, some ice cream and a hug. All will be provided every Friday night at government expense.
4. Days will have 32 hours. Longer nights for sleep and longer days. That is a 33.33% increase. An average day will have 22 hours of light and 10 hours of darkness,
5. Throw away all the calendars. We start at Year 0 and do it right this time
6. Required parties for every single holiday including everyone’s birthday.
7. All birthdays become national holidays.
8. Top 10% income earners pay for these parties.
9. 1% of the population will travel to a foreign country as ambassadors at government expense for one year.
10. Oh and yes social security, healthcare for all, rebuild infrastructure no more wars, racial and religious equality are a given. Anything requiring cash will be financed by the top 25% income earners tax increase to 33%
11. Lightning bugs will become the new national symbol and placed on an endangered species lists. Lightning bugs are the weirdest coolest bugs ever.
12. Illegal to kill butterflies in all states. Illegal to think about killing a lighning bug.
13. Cheating the American public and price gouging are punishable by all involved with prison terms and no early parole. A trial by jury of people involved is acceptable.
13. All animals have the right to bear arms.
14. All animals now have the right to vote.
15. All humans have the right to vote for their animals.
16. Since elections have international consequences, we will now be allowed to vote in every election for every country that has been admitted to the UN. Early registration for Belarus and Theresabus begins tomorrow

To give us an element of credibility (which is a slim chance), we try to remember our mentor Bruce Lee, "Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

New Buns and Barbs Talk Show

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