THE REAL REASON WHY SARAH PALIN WILL NOT RUN FOR PRESIDENT

Heart breaking news was revealed when the Divine Miss P announced she will not be a presidential contender. I knew she could not win but I looked forward to her blunders. It's like finding out someone ate the ears off your Easter Bunny. I want the ears. I know she is ignorant, a bitch, a prima donna, and according to her biography, a bit of a skank. What's not to like? She's perfect.

According to some, the reason she is afraid the world, as well as her husband will find out that the father of her oldest son, (Trip or Fall or something like that) is not black NFL star, Glen Rice, but really the son of Charles Barkley. There is an ominous similarity in appearance. My friend Sean pointed it out. We believe Trap, Trigger, Troll (or whatever his name is)is the son of Todd. Just fun to pretend.

Actually Sarah is not running for president because she has some inside information from her spiritual adviser, Guru Gotaway, the guy she snorted cocaine with over an oil barrel. It seems that this time the world will end October 21, 2011. I mean, what is the point in campaigning? Duh!

Besides, if the world did not end and she became the new president, she is frightened of her own position on gun control. She found out she will not be the only one who has firearms readily available. Some stupid Constitution thing that those lame men from 1776 made up. Who knew? That stupid Constitution keeps getting in the way. If elected, she planned to sneak it out and burn it. If elected, she also planned on quitting the job as president and forcing NBC to hire her in Katie Couric's position in order to get the last laugh on Katie. NBC was flaunting the Constitution saying they had freedom of press. See why the Constitution has to go! That damned press keeps printing the truth about her.


The world got sadder with the loss of Palin as a contender. On a brighter note, Alaska gets her back. We got rid of her. The world is not as bad as we thought. We just might actually make through October 21, 2011. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. I think I see a moose.

The above is all a joke we believe. Sean, Buns, Barbs

There Is a Goddam Difference Between Honor and Honesty

Why are people so obsessed with the character trait honesty? I honestly know no one who is completely honest. I know lots of honorable people. I have no use for anyone who isn’t honorable. But honest, come on! We all lie out our asses.

The simple truth is dishonesty makes for good friends. I am betting none of you remember the kid who told the truth and sat by you in Sunday school, but you all remember who helped you pull off the great escapade of your life. Dishonesty bonds. There is nothing quite like getting into trouble and lying your way out.

Honesty vs. honor test

If I ask, “Does this look bad?”

You do not say, “It looks like hell.” which is the honest answer.

You say, “Perhaps you should go for a more modest look.”

Now that is some good lying. You are "a first class, good as they come" liar.

If I ask any question of a friend, he, she, or it should do the honorable thing. Be comforting, supportive, and kind. In other words, lie like “a sum beech”.

If you went around telling the truth you would never get anywhere. You see someone approaching. He says, “Hi, how ya doin’?” He is not being honest. He neither wants to know nor cares if menstrual cramps are bothering me. He does not want to hear that I am constipated due to a tendency to get anally retentive over people who are too honest.

He wants to hear, “Much better since I ran into you.” This is dishonest, but it is admirable and honorable thing to do. We all feel much better.

This is the kind of person I seek out for friendship. He does not need to know why I am sad. He needs to prepare to kick somebody’s ass for causing it. He does not need to know why I feel like dancing; he kicks off his shoes and joins in. He sees my smile: he smiles back. He sees my shoulders slump: I get a hug. He sees I did something wrong, he is prepared to lie to the end of the earth for me. A person of honor reacts to my exploits or achievements with enthusiasm and never shoots me off my cloud. That is honorable. The person who is honest would say, "You are not a kid anymore. Stop being childish. Act mature. Quit whining. Your waist is bigger than when you were 25. You have past the halfway mark of your life. We’re all going to die."

I would rather have a friend who lies for me about where I was and what I was doing, a friend who portrays me in a more favorable light than the always honest one. Even Abe couldn’t cut. I would pick Bill Clinton for a best bud over Abe Lincoln. I wonder if Honest Abe honestly criticized that young Boothe man’s acting.

Boehner Hotly Denies Tryst With Palin

AP, Reuters, Knight Ridder....
John Boehner denied accusations of having an affair with SP. Her baby bump he proclaimed was nothing more than his tie stuck in her skirt. He said, "I have never had sex with the women," and as an aside he whispered, "but I never count blow jobs, hand jobs or cigar penetration."

When Ms Palin was questioned she stated, "I have never seen the heart shaped mole on the lower side of his throbbing member."

Boehner looked lovingly into Palin's eyes and denied "I have never been caught undressing those luscious, succulent breasts at any point in my career."

Palin answered with a wink, holding her breasts. "These puppies belong in competent hands." Her eyes glanced down at his groin. It appeared Boehner had earned his name.

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