Thursday, September 3, 2009
Will the World End December 21, 2012 - Yes, the World Is Coming to an End - Let's Put the Numb Back in Numbers
As a frequent reader of the really weird news and follower of lunatic cults, I think I can guarantee beyond all doubt, the world will end December 21,2012, at 12:20 pm. I even assigned the exact time. I am a seer. I foresaw the assassination of JFK. In all fairness, I have to admit it was at least 30 years after the fact when I saw Oliver Stone's movie, "JFK". But I still foresaw it. My timing was just a little off.
I don't agree with all that solar and lunar line up crap, it has to do with numbers. 12/21/2012. Why do all those numbers have 1,2,0? They are the devil's numbers, that's why. All this could have been avoided if we had added a 13th month. There are thirteen lunar cycles in a year and we could have had 13 months of 28 days and one left over for good luck that we don't count. It could and should have been a National, no Universal Holiday ( to hell with the other planets and their annual cycles). After the 13th month and before the first month of the new year, we could have "Happy 365 Day". BUT NO! We had to go mucking with the calendars and assign 12 months with random numbers of days per month. Who the hell's idea was that, anyway?
I don't quite understand the logic there. Simply look at 1,2,0. These numbers are inherently evil. They can't help it. Look at 1st,2nd,10th,11th, and 12th months. They are January, February, October, November and December. These are mean months. They are cold months. They are not nice and friendly like the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th,7th 8th , and 9th months (March, April, May June July August and September). JFK died in the 11th month. Coincidence, I don't think so? Winter comes in December, coincidence again? You head is full of glue if you are not scared by now!
Everything dies in winter. I suppose you think that is a coincidence too. These months are also flu season, too. Another coincidence? No plant life except evergreens survive these killing months. The ancient calendar makers did not know about evergreeens. That's why we use them as Christmas trees. That was a holy plan.
Why do we allow a new day to start at 12:00? Who's idea was that? It's those evil numbers again. It should start at 24 o'clock. Who said we divide the days into two sets of twelve. (note the "2" sets of "12" hours). Now, that's crazy or evil or the devils work. What about that daylight savings time? We set the clocks "1" hour ahead and fall "1" hour back. See the pattern developing with the 1's here. Pure unadulterated evil!
All this 1,2,0 crap might have been the work of those crazy ancient Mayans who made calendars for hundreds of years in advance. Were they afraid they would forget Aunt Martha's 984th birthday? You don't have to make a calendar hundreds of years in advance. I won't use their creepy calendar. I use the Irish Leprechaun Calendar. It is reliable and has lucky days and good drinking days marked so that you have no need for a horoscope. On the Irish Leprechaun calendar, there are more lucky days than not and great days for drinking clearly marked in advance. I am Irish so I can say that.
I called a calendar manufacturer and asked them which days were lucky and good for drinking. They did not know. And they call themselves calendar manufacturers! I asked them to send me a calendar for 2089. You won't believe this! They did not have one. It's because they know the world ends in 2012. These people are not stupid.
There are but three hopes for humanity and I doubt we can get everyone to go along with either.
One solution is: If we changed the numbers 1,2,0,11,12,10 to abstract signs like those symbols that the artist formerly know as Prince uses, we could solve the problem. All the months would be nice and friendly. We couldn't pronounce them but they would be nice months.
Solution 2: Use the Irish Leprechaun Calendar. We all need lucky days and drinking days and it makes a hell of a lot more sense than that creepy Mayan Calendar, who are a devil's cult and trying to kill us off thousands of years later.
Solution3: Use 13 months and 28 days per month and "Happy 365 Day" which is very similar to the Irish Leprechaun Calendar.
If you do not take my advice, we are doomed. Don't come crying to me 12/20/2012. It will be too late. I will try to hand out some advice in the next few weeks to help cope with the end of the world. The world dying won't be all bad. "We can live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse." On the bright side, it won't matter if we have health insurance or not.