Top Ten Reasons the World Should End on 12-21-2012

So much has happened in the last few months that it seems a general population loss might be beneficial for the planet. Humans, it seems, are not smart enough to share a planet the size of the world. We can feed the planet, but we don't. We should take care of out weakest fellow earthlings, but we won't. Tolerance is an absolute "can't". Living has become a privilege of the elite. Maybe the planet should just fold.

We have killed the Gulf of Mexico, Japan is radioactive, and revolution has become a way of life. A major earthquake hits way too often. Who can keep count? I am tired of all the disaster, revolution, war, and misery. It's flood and drought. Birds and sea-life are dying at an alarming rate. But on a brighter note, if the world ends there are ten top silver linings to this dark cloud.

10. Death cures everything. Including everyone's taxes and the tax argument. You wont have to pay any more taxes for year ending Dec 31, 2012. We finally get to beat the IRS. We also don't have to worry about returning overdue books and video rentals. It will all be taken care of.

9. It won't matter that your retirement account has been drained or that your house is not paid off. You will not need either for long. Don't worry about the new roof, the aging air conditioner or remodeling.

8. Winter of 2012 will be canceled. This is a big win. We will not be forced to endure one last, long, harsh winter. If we all have to die, I am glad it isn't summer.

7. Gluttony is good. No more calorie counting, weight watching, and exercising to maintain health. Fit and firm won't matter as the world explodes with it's last burst of energy. In fact , feel free to put on thirty pounds. Angels are lighter than air.

6. No worries about sending your children to colleges. The colleges will all melt. Besides, it isn't like the kids would be prepared for professions and employment later. Why isn't there a college course called standing in line 101 if we want them prepared for the future? Foraging for Food 500 would make an excellent graduate course for those 90% who did not find jobs.

5. Go ahead. Max out those credit cards. Indulge yourself. Die wearing a half million in diamonds. I don't think debt collectors will find us in the afterlife. We won't even have to pay back China.


4. Get a fast sports car on credit. Ferraris are especially nice, final choices. Also, you can run from disaster faster than the other guys. Survival of the fastest might decide who wins and who loses. Stack the odds in your favor with no worries about paying for it. The banks melt on 12-21-2012

3. Open all your Christmas presents early and enjoy them. Last minute shoppers will not have to worry about doing a darn thing. The shops will all be "closed".

2. Check for Hanukkah and try to work all the days in before 12-21-2012.

1. Charlie Sheen is the new messiah. Follow his advice. He will survive. His body is conditioned.

I used to think 12-21-2012 was a joke. No one would go anywhere and it would be a rather uneventful day. I am beginning to think the Doomsday folks are not as crazy as I thought. We now have hope of being free of all worries, finances, taxes, wars, revolutions and all but one big natural disaster. So cheer up and never let on to the authorities that we are beginning to look forward to 12-21-2012. They might cancel it.

Top 10 Reasons Not to Allow Healthcare Reform

With all the talk about healthcare reform, I decided to take the side of the Right Wing Lunatics who oppose healthcare reform. Why should we care about healthcare reform? Why should we care that people are dying to see a doctor? Why should we care about our fellow human beings who are less fortunate? What is really important is ME! ME! ME! ME! Hopefully, I will never be one of the those who is in dire need of it.

I came up with the Top 10 Reasons (and a bonus) to Deny Healthcare to All Americans

10.It's a form of population control.

9. To prove Darwin was right - Survival of the fittest.

8. We don't need no stinking reform. Some people aren't worth saving.

7. People will die anyway. No matter how much you do, we all end up dead in the end. Why shouldn't rich people be allowed more time? Why do poor think they deserve it?

6. Time is money. If you are wealthy enough, you can get the extra time. I think this might be the same as #7?

5. Plastic surgery will be unaffordable if all the money goes to necessary health care. How can I afford botox injections or my butt lift if I have to pay for some poor man's emergency surgery! We must have priorities.

4. Death is God's will. (I generally argue this point but this time I am the devil's advocate!) Or maybe Sara Palin's, or Newt's, or Steele's will. Will of Steele(nice ring, don't youthink?) I vote for him to be on the first Death Panel! No matter whose will, the point is, it is the will of someone important.

3. Not doing anything actually puts an end to it all! Apathy can cure anything.

2. Right Wing religious zealots rely on prayer. Shouldn't you?

1. Dead people don't need health care. We'll kill off a lot of them in the war, unemployment, and starvation anyway. That will quickly put an end to some of those pesky insurance risks.

0. We all die in 2012 anyway. What's the point?

I propose a cheap, nondiscriminatory method for healthcare. No one gets it until the poorest American is covered. With all the money saved in the mean time, we can afford it. Problem solved.