Sunday, December 19, 2010

Kinkileaks: Sex in the Air

A new website, Kinkileaks is sending orgasmic ripples through the airline industry. The intent of the recordings started innocently enough as they were merely working in conjunction with Homeland Security to try and avert any terrorist activity. All they were going to do was regularly release the brown box recordings of each flight taken from the public restrooms. Boy was that a dumb idea!

The brown box recordings were the verbal exchange of passengers who were interested in making the mile high club before, during, and after take off. Some of them took "take off" literally and shed all their clothing. More people are screwing around at 10,000 feet than you might think. Over 200 flight conversations have been released sending attorneys for American and Southwest to federal court scrambling to suppress them. Buffy and Bif did not appreciate their first attempt at consummating their marriage being made public. Joe and Freida, on the other hand, liked the exposure and are now appearing on Jerry Springer on a weekly basis.

It appears that members of the Mile High Club frequent American and Southwest Airlines due to attendants' hotness level. Virgin Air (what a joke)has released a CD of recordings from their bathrooms from the past two years to their shareholders. Absolutely nothing but flatulence and flushes were recorded. With all major airlines upcoming release of brown box recordings, American and Southwest will not be alone in this embarrassment (or pride in prowess). More people are scheduling flights than in recorded history. No pun intended.

An excerpt from one of the recordings was played to the press Monday morning. In the recording a pilot can be heard asking a flight attendant to join the mile high club over Mexico City. A spokesperson for American Airlines read a prepared statement, "We are working with the proper authorities and we would like to assure the public that this new level of intimacy will not affect prices." though he did admit they have many more flights in the history of the airline now available to Mexico. "We are also trying to find the names and phone numbers of willing attendants for future flights as we intend to make your traveling experience more pleasurable."

Kinkileaks announced on its website that they plan to release information on 500 more flights, including international flights. This announcement sent Air France scrambling for a statement. (G0 French!) The pilots union expressed one statement quite clearly, "We did not have sex with that woman."


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