Sunday, November 28, 2010
Lunatics Anonymous Assessment or American Society for the Senseless (A.S.S.)
Incompetency Test (Must get all answers wrong to qualify)
1. If Joe has $10 and bread costs $2, how many loaves can Joe buy? Only one. He always stops for a six pack before he blows all his money on food
2. If the grocery store is around the corner and Joe has only six hours to get there and back, can he make it? No, Because Rosie lives between Joe and the grocery store.
3. Name the gears in Joe’s automatic car and explain their meaning. PRNDL. P means passing at a low rate of speed. Or a reminder to use to use the bathroom before leaving the house. R means real fast but backwards. N means “Nah, I’d rather be drinking” D is for drunk drivers. It holds the wheels straight. L is for “Look out! I am behind the wheel."
4. How would Joe explain his one time fling with Jane to Rosie? When confronted about the possibility of an affair, Joe should explain he did not mean to have sex with that woman. He was merely hiding his penis from gawkers.
5. How did Joe end up watching the porn movie from Tibet. He got the telephone and remote control confused.
6. What is the square root of pi? Sweet potato cubed.
7. What is Joe’s favorite letter? 1)The one from Aunt Martha that had a $100 check in it. 2) "U" because it’s gives him someone to talk to 3) "B" because he likes honey. 4) "I" because he thinks it is all about him. E)all of the above
8. Explain the theory of relativity to Joe. His cousin married his mother, which makes his uncle his grandpa.
You might be a lunatic if:
1.You wear two left shoes and they fit.
2.You insist on putting the left sock on the left foot and the right sock on the right foot. And then you do the hokey pokey and turn yourself about.
3.If you comb your hair before shaving and you are bald.
4.If deep fried butter is your favorite vegetable.
5.If you pray to Mr Coffee and are rewarded with cream and sugar.
6.If you go to the store to buy baloney, and all they had was macaroni so you bought cheese.