News can be entertaining and raise social conscience. Even if most of it is not true, you learn something.
greathug for you
Scientists discover a new species, the manneman (half-mannequin, half-man) hiding in a department store.
These pants make my asss look so fat, it spread around to my front.
John felt cheated. He had been looking forward to tonight with all the enthusiasm that his plastic head could hold. But this... not this. This was just wrong. It was not at all what he had expected when his friend had told him about the topless bar.
This is what happens if Congress passes Obama's socialist healthcare plan. You will be cut in half and reassembled into a homosexual abortionist and forced to marry your sister. The Republican Party urges you tithe half your income to the GOP. Jesus won't mind. He's one of us.
Something made him do it. He had no choice. A lifetime of working as a living statue at amusement parks gave him the tools he needed to become one of them.He was sure that nobody was aware he was there, he blended in perfectly, the chameleon-like skills he honed while standing perfectly still for hours at a time served him well.And it gave him ample opportunity to consider the 'why'?
First of all, before I respond to the image, I fear Collin Kelly may be a latent something or other.(grin)*****After increasing controversy from creationists, Darwin's Theory of Evolution was gloriously reaffirmed with a Magnitude-10 leap forward in the 21st Century. After what appeared to be a huge evolutionary leap backward with the "installation-not-election" of Junior Bush in 2000 and his "validation" inauguration in January, 2001, all appeared lost for Homo Sapiens (a species vying for record holder as the shortest lived species to ever walk the planet). Increasingly abused by their government and its legislation passed in advancement of monied special interest's agendas, American dummies suddenly took a surprising species-saving evolutionary leap. No longer would they get kicked in the ass without seeing it coming!(Of course, there was a drawback: such a leap totally revamped the pleasures of intimacy, thus [again] throwing in jeopardy the question of survival of the species.)
John had always dreamed of being a fashion designer. He gave in to peer pressure during high school and tried to be as Bland as possible . He wore the obligatory teen filled with angst color scheme ( black with Black ). After graduation he went to community college and studied fashion. it was there he was able to unleash his hidden passion for tans and pastels. sometimes he would throw in a bright purple or red combining his inner male and female I ching . Unfourtunatley he did not know until after he got his first job as a mannequin and window dresser that he suffers from a rare affliction known as " Fashion Dyslexia "
Recognizing that the back of people's heads was the only remaining part of their anatomy that had not been conquered by the fashion industry, and in an unexpected moment of entreprneurial brilliance, realizing that generation z had lost the ability to read human facial expression anyway, and that the actual face could now be effectively used for tatooed text ads, New York designer Janus has developed a line of custom made masks.
"Everyone said George Washington had the hips of a woman, too," Joe reassured himself. "And look what he did.""Yeah, but his hips weren't screwed on backwards!" his dad said. "Your dick looks like a tail!"Dad was always trying to bring him down. Joe took a deep breath and remembered his mantra: Only I can hurt me.Then, just for good measure, he added: "Didn't I read somewhere that Jose Menendez made fun of Lyle's dick, too?"That shut him up.
"Looks like the town hall meeting is almost over. Hurry up Dick or I won't have time to do you," Limbaugh said. Visions of Cuba, shotguns, and Texans floated through his warped mind. "Easy on the ears, Rush, you bag of shit," whined the former politician.Catfish McDaris
Since no one was using snail mail, the U.S.P.S. started severe cutbacks in employees.The Postal Service retirement training program, euphemistically known as Hummer Bummer has commenced. President Obama has approved extra incentives for dedicated individuals finishing at the head of their class.
Look Ma No PenisThis is what happens when parents insist on a genetically engineered Metrosexual.
That's what I get for hitting that cache button. The virus has already spread to my operating system!
"Not good enough," God murmurred to himself, casting Eve into the wilderness after Lilith, where she, too, was quickly eaten by a dinosaur. "This time I will create a perfect woman."
Alan, the only living mannequin in the world, was in the market for a new wife ever since the unfortunate woodchipper incident at the Labor Day picnic that took his beloved Annie away from him."Hey, Louie!" He called to his friend. "What about this one?"Louie sauntered over and gave it the once over."Nice ass. Now ya just gotta find a decent rack for the top."Alan attempted to roll his immobile eyes at his friends' crude remark and failed.
When he first came off the production line, he had heard the talk, of fancy Hollywood boutiques, where the sun streamed in. Where, the glitziest, most glamorous, Luminaries, would run fleshy hands over smooth, plastic chest, purring with pleasure. He had never made it that far, something about an error in the process, a human error. Now, all he had for company was Lucy. Lucy and her crazy vanishing act, which she could never quite do right. He would lie, “yes Lucy, you are totally invisible”. Manny stood silent and tall, wondering how it had come to this, this endless waiting at the back of a quiet, little store.
I DON"T GET IT what are we suppose to do? where are the conetest guidelines? Do we write a short fiction ABOUT the photo or add photos or que? Les
I like to use a half mannequin for this demonstration so that you can really focus in on my expression while I caress the buttocks of my "date" We will be working on techniques for the remainder of class.
When he walked stiffly into the plastic surgeon's office, Mike uneasily patted off sudor beads that were starting to drip down his frowning face. He recognized an actress in the waiting room, but calmly kept walking eye-to-eye to the receptionist.He filled out papers, signed contracts, waivers of liability and releases for any previous medical history. He was escorted into a private little room where a nurse did vital signs and escorted him then to a cold office, where a doctor sat reading through stacks of medical charts.He looked up momentarily, before closing the chart and extending a hand for shaking... "so why do you want this surgery," he asked Mike."Do you really have to ask?" Mike stood up, his face turning red, hot and flustered with embarrassment as he turned a circle for the doctor to see.."I don't have a butt, doctor.. and when I goto interviews, they laugh at me and tell me to drink protein shakes and exercise.""Hmmmm," the doctor nodded- "ok then are you busy tomorrow?" "Sounds good to me," said Mike. He showed up freshly showered the next morning ready for his surgery. It seemed everything was going well. He fell asleep on a backward count of a hundred making it only to a faded mumble of 98. The doctor began cutting Mike in half. "We will have to just transplant this mannequin's butt with a fatter one," he told the nurse as he sawed through pieces of plastic falling through the air like specks of glitter. It was time to molt and glue the transplanted bottom. The doctor, by then on his second bottle of Jack Daniels, asked for a Margarita and smoked a cherry blended cigar. As he breathed in and exhaled the smoke, the nurse accidently knocked down the bottoms to be transplanted and mixed them up with the actress's new bottoms to be transplanted on the table next to him. She stood it up quickly and retrived the doctor's Margarita. The doctor's vision doubled and blurred, but he had to finish, he only had two high paying patients today before he left for a long three week vacation to the Islands. There he would scounge the beaches for new models in seeks of plastic surgeons.. and body parts from the Jaws set. Cont'd
He placed the hot mold glue, steaming and dripping slightly, skin colored to match for less of a scar to the inside of the mannequin's gut. He nudged the nurse to bring him the bottoms. She quickly retreived the actress's bottoms and helped him place it in position on Mike. With all the smoke however, they couldn't see which direction to put it so the doctor felt for pockets. "Well I feel pockets here so this must be the back," he rationalized. So they glued the larger buns to Mike. The doctor barely finished the second surgery, placing a smaller botom on the actress. While in recovery the nurses went to change the sheets and realized, the bottoms had been, not only switched, but backwards on Mike. They called him but the doctor was out cold, already on a plane out of reach. When Mike awoke they had to tell him what had occured. Slowly he stood and looked at his reflection- "What the hell!" he screamed!" I came to this plastic surgeon for help, to get a better career and he screws me over like some kind of freak!" The nurses tried to calm him when a scream echoed down the hallway. They all ran, including Mike who found it eaier to walk backwards down the hall quickly. The nurses saw the actress with her gown lifted staring at what had been Mike's lower half! "OH MY GAWWWWWD" she wailed. "I'm I'm... what AM I now? I am a woman but I am... I am a man, how could this happen, where is that doctor, I'll kill him I swear!" she dropped the gown down as she saw Mike barely there, staring into her room, and recognized her bottoms facing her from his front side "OH my GAWWWWWD!He did it to you too!" She hid her face in the palms of her pale hands and fell to the floor as she cried. Mike walked away. In midflight the doctor's plane was hijacked and taken to Cuba. When they found out he was a doctor they held him hostage. By this time both Mike and the actress were filing lidigation against him and the U.S. was on a manhunt for him. When they found out in Cuba what they had done they cut him to pieces and glued him back so that he walked on his hands and peed out his mouth, and though they could find surgeons at home to repair them, the mannequins were somewhat satified that all the publicity had made them stars. Not able to find others that understood them, the two hooked up and learned how to have sex backwards... FIN
I don't see a way to contact Icy. Icy, if you're reading this, could you come to UnlikelyStories.org and drop me a line? Thanks much!
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