Saturday, August 8, 2009
A Fantastic New Miracle Drug - This is not bullshit
As a duty to our loyal readers, we try to stay abreast of new de-velopments in the field of medicine. You people will not believe the latest. I will try to qualify this statement by saying in all truth and sincerity, I am not making this up! Although, it does sound like one of my wild stories, it is real. Latest news indicates that the dye used in the blue m&m's, outside of making them pretty, "may also shine as a possible treatment for traumatic spinal injuries". Notice the quotes, I actually learned and read about this. They injected white rats with this same blue dye and noticed an improvement. They were able to walk again. It should be noted they had a limp.
I have several questions about the use of white mice. Did they use white because the blue would not look right with your standard brown mouse? How did these mice acquire these traumatic spinal conditions? It could not be accidental. In my whole life, I have never seen a mouse with any traumatic spinal injury. Somebody did this. Are Dick Cheney's old torturers finding new work abusing white rats? Methinks I smell a bigger rat torturing the smaller one. It probably is not the same as water boarding, but I am willing to bet it is still gratifying work for these guys. Back to the point, blue m&m's cure spinal injuries. Who knew?
One of the side effects of these injections is that the mice turned blue. I think that is about the coolest thing ever. A healed blue mouse walking around with a limp! If these guys are so smart, why don't they give the mice a cane or a crutch? That would make me happy to no end to see a bunch of blue mice walking around with crutches. Try to get a mental picture here and you will laugh your ass off. If the torturer feels the need to strike again, blue mice or rats with a limp using a cane would not be hard to find.
What if they injected people with this same blue dye? I can see it now, a rehabilitation hospital full of blue people who can walk. If I regained the ability to walk I would not mind being blue, although, I might change my name to Smurfina. If I got a tan, would I turn a darker blue like navy? It is summer and I cannot help but wonder. In winter, would I get a paler blue skin color? It might look festive for the holidays. Either way it is a win-win situation. I had been feeling a back ache and decided to try the blue m&m's. After picking out only blue in a pound bag, I am improved. Now I can dance!
Isn't it nice to see an "intellectual" story coming from me that does not involve aluminum foil and duct tape? I swear this is true. So if you see any blue mice or rats with a cane, lend a hand. They are on the road to recovery. Go blue!
*This applies to both Jose and Ted.